Sunday, June 21, 2009

Selfish? You betcha.

Before today I didn't really think of myself as selfish. I mean I opened doors for people, I say thank you, I'm doing good, right? Not so. When I thought of selfish it was... If you are a jerk, you are selfish. Which may be true, but I have found that selfishness goes beyond how you treat other people. I screwed up today. Not in a huge way, but I still felt that sense of failure at the thing I love to do most. And I beat myself up over it.

I had to say something very simple (a bible verse) at church in front of a bunch of people. Definitely my kind of thing. I was honored to be asked to do this. Sadly, this is where the selfishness comes in: I took it as a moment for me to look good. And when I messed up, I got angry with myself. It wasn't serious anger but it was enough. I cannot believe I didn't see this at first; it wasn't about me! How dare I make my tiny role as important as that? I messed up the bible verse. So? It was still praise to God. And THAT should have been my goal from the start.

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