I'm applying to a college in New Zealand this week. I'll be there for ten months, then if I decide to do year number two, I'll be home for two months, then gone for another ten. I have a wonderful girlfriend, an amazing family and a great church family. I'm going to miss a lot of people if I get in. But ten months (possibly 20) away from your girlfriend will be especially crappy. I would be a fool to ignore God's calling for anyone, I know this. Still it does not ease pain to say that does it? I am astounded by how complex our capacity as humans for multiple emotions simultaneously is. And yet we still have the ability to hide them all. There is one I have inside me that I truthfully don't have much experience in showing; excitement. I'm sure when I was little I got excited about Christmas presents and such, but for awhile there was nothing in my life (naive thinking) to be excited about. I got out of touch with the emotion. Until now. I am very excited about God's presence in my life and His plan for it. But since I lost connection with excitement I can't communicate it properly with people. It's really hard to show it, no matter how overwhelming the urge!


How does one act when on-fire for God? They evangelise, they preach, they sing praise to Him! I mini-preach. I sing all the praise I can to The LORD. But evangelise... Not good at that. BUT THAT IS NOT AN EXCUSE. Know this: it is only a realization. I am not good at anything of value by myself. Hah. There's the key. By myself. NO! Jesus with me. God through me. God. Anyway, they do all this and more but those are just things. Would not the very expression on their faces and tone of their voices change also? Mine have not. And I am trying, but not forcing. There's nothing worse than a fake Christian.